I have been thinking a lot about lightness recently.
A Czech writer named Milan Kundera wrote a wonderful novel named The Unbearable Lightness of Being. He examines the philosophies of Nietzche, and eternal return. He says that in a universe in which our actions were repeated endlessly, they would have weight. But as we live in a universe where we only are allotted one life each, our lives have an unbearable lightness.
To think that what I do with my life will ultimately have no impact has always been unbearable to me. I am my least happy in jobs and tasks that are mundane, that hold absolutely no weight. These new jobs with weight though, they are exhausting. I find myself drawing back, and trying to be light. I try to reconcile myself with the fact that my presence will have no effect on the people I am working with. I want to be light, because being heavy is so hard.
And then I always end up watching a teaching movie. These "based on a true story" tales that make me think that maybe if I tried hard enough, it would be possible to really "make a difference." So I desperately cling to the hope that I have already, or will someday have a lasting impact on another human being. I want to affect a life at risk.
2/10/07
2/5/07
oh, shallow me
Sorry for the long absence, my friend the reader. I have hardly had time to sleep, so blogging has taken the cut from my schedule.
In my newly acquired position of Resident Assistant/enforcer of quiter radio volumes/buster of unnecessary dorm parties/hated new authority I have so far learned nothing. I suppose that is all right, but it is leaving me exhausted. If this job is so time consuming, I would like to take something away from it other than baggy eyes and a check for my room and board. Any job that demands so much time should be rewarding. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough.
I do like a lot of my residents, and we have had some fun times together. I love making bulletin boards, and door decorations make me smile. The girls especially loved their Disney princess valentines.
In the first week of school, I lost a couple of gaskets, because I was telling myself that if I don't like this job, I won't like teaching. I really hope it's different -- I mean, living with people really changes your perspectives. Teaching in a high school deals with students in small doses at a time. Am I saying I like more shallow relationships? I hope that's not what I mean.
In my newly acquired position of Resident Assistant/enforcer of quiter radio volumes/buster of unnecessary dorm parties/hated new authority I have so far learned nothing. I suppose that is all right, but it is leaving me exhausted. If this job is so time consuming, I would like to take something away from it other than baggy eyes and a check for my room and board. Any job that demands so much time should be rewarding. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough.
I do like a lot of my residents, and we have had some fun times together. I love making bulletin boards, and door decorations make me smile. The girls especially loved their Disney princess valentines.
In the first week of school, I lost a couple of gaskets, because I was telling myself that if I don't like this job, I won't like teaching. I really hope it's different -- I mean, living with people really changes your perspectives. Teaching in a high school deals with students in small doses at a time. Am I saying I like more shallow relationships? I hope that's not what I mean.
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