advent

as i have grown older, one of the things that i have come to truly appreciate about the catholic church is the manner in which her calendar takes care to prepare us for important holidays. easter is preceded by 40 days and 40 nights of fasting, prayer, and self-sacrifice in order that we may be better prepared to experience the mystery of the resurrection. now, 4 weeks before christmas, we enter the season of advent. now, i am not trying to say that i am perfect, or magnificently devout, for i most certainly am nowhere near the most devoted or consummate catholic; i am simply acknowledging what a wonderful idea it is that certain events need a period of good preparation if we, as people of limited faith, energy, and foresight, are to truly benefit from them.
i like to take these seasons of preparation as opportunities to look at my life and see what needs refreshment and recomittment, and this advent, i am making the decision that i will look upon writing as more of a discipline for a little while. i have been wasting too much of my newfound piano-free time, and i fear i have lost more days than i would have liked to listless inactivity. never fear, dear reader, i will most likely be spending more time writing things you may never see rather than pondering the mysteries and beauties of life for your enjoyment.
now i shall go to my warm and cushy bed, and pray that my resolve may last through the morning.

i like beginning things. i get a special yearning to begin new things as old ones end; hence this blog. my semester is drawing to a close, and i am looking back upon how earnestly i developed my astronomical aptitude for wasting time. so now i am filled with an inspired hankering to create something new, something important, so i pitifully turn to a new blog. my malignant desire to leave some lasting impression on humanity has not yet been cured, pretend as i may that having a simple life may be enough. i want to write a book that makes people think and talk; i want to head an organization that reaches out to and actually affects the lives of those in need; i want to travel to a place where english is not the native language and tell the residents of this land that not all americans are lost, that in fact there may be hope for the west still. i want to preach faith in humanity and believe my own words.

i want, i want, i want . . . i am a member of the thirsty generation of children who stopped trying when they discovered that no amount of work would enable them all to be rockstars. we were told to dream big dreams, and that hard work would get us all the way to the oval office by parents and teachers who had themselves worked hard and found that they would never get further than their living rooms and therefore made the decision to be content. all 300 million residents of the united states cannot be president -- it is a mathematical impossibility. talent and hard work alone will not make a rockstar -- you need connections. as each of us empirically discovers this for the first time, we are faced with the choice of being happy with all our bountiful blessings, or being restless for the rest of our lives. true, many of the restless ones will put in the work, make the connections, and get lucky; but so many of us give up. i certainly did, but i have returned to restlessness, and am again trying to do something about it.